I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
