I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
