she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
