DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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