feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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