This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
