I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
