no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize