just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
