Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
