She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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