you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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