I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
