shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
