apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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