PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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