two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
