I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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