Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
