you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
