My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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