Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
