I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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