do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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