I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
