Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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