the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
