didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
