You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
