I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
