My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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