yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
