You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
