ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
