He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
