that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
