Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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