She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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