Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
