i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
