So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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