i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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