we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
