just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
