Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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