her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
