To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
