Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
