Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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