If i come over, it means nothing
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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