I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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