I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
