I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
