you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
