Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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