he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
