I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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