I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
