Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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