i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
