it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
