We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
