Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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