the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
