i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
