How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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