Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
