a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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