This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
