Me. At least after what I've been through.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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