Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
