she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
