I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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