M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
